Tripping Up
by Drauchenfyre
Summary: "Where I come from, there's ruuuules..."


**Tripping Up**

A Harry Potter Fanfiction

by Drauchenfyre

Summary: "Where I come from, there's ruuuuules..."

STORY  
>***************<p>

Hermione Granger sat at the Gryffindor table at the Welcoming Feast for the start of her Second Year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. To her left sat her best friend (and secret crush) Harry Potter. On Harry's other side was his other 'friend', Ron Weasley. Hermione didn't particularly like Ron. He was an unthinking, abrasive jerk to anyone who wanted to talk about things other than food, Quidditch and chess, which meant he was nice to Hermione a total of ten minutes the previous year. Honestly, she only put up with the red-headed stomach because Harry, for some reason, liked him. She still couldn't figure out why. Ron was just as rude and abrasive to Harry as he was to anyone else.

Hermione, at that moment, was not thinking of the Weasel. Truthfully, she thought about him as little as possible. Having finished her well-balanced meal while Ron was still shoveling in fifth helpings of "future heart-attack special", she was shuffling her documentation. She had been checking her sources all summer, reading and re-reading the school by-laws, and was certain she was ready to ambush. The senile old goat wouldn't know what hit him.

She saw her chance when Albus Dumbledore was halfway through his announcements at the end of the feast: "And our caretaker, Mr. Filch, would like to inform you that Fanged Frisbees and Ever-Bashing Boomerangs have been added to his list of banned items..."

"THAT'S A LIE!"

Even Dumbledore turned in shock towards the Second-Year Gryffindor. No one had _ever _interrupted the Headmaster before, and certainly he had never been called a liar.

"Hogwarts Charter, Section III, Subsection B, Chapter 5, Rule 6: Only the seated Headmaster has the right to add or remove objects from the 'Banned Items' List." So, either Mr. Filch has been grossly overstepping his bounds for years, or you have been using him as your scapegoat so you can ban things while still maintaining your 'caring grandfather' persona to the public."

Albus was in shock. He knew that rule, of course, and he _had _been using Argus as his scapegoat. But who on his staff let a student get hold of the School Charter...? In a flash of realization he turned to his right. Halfway down the table, Samuel Glyphs, retired Curse Breaker and Professor of Ancient Runes was openly smirking at the old man. Albus cursed to himself, his brother's grandson had been a thorn in Albus's side since he all but blackmailed the younger man into teaching- the most vocal Dumbledore dissenter on staff, despite being a Dumbledore himself on his mother's side.

Albus's attention was forced back to Miss Granger as she continued. "And while we're on the subject, you taught for thirty years and have been Headmaster for forty, and you don't know that telling teenagers not to go somewhere was tantamount to an open invitation? Half of the school knew that Fluffy the Cerberus was behind that door on the third floor in the first week last year!"

"FLUFFY?" chorused the Weasley Twins.

Harry pitched in at this point, "Hagrid named him, what do you expect?"

The Twins nodded sagely to each other as Hermione continued, "For that matter, what was a Class One Dangerous Creature doing in a school, without even a locked door keeping him and the students apart? That alone would have you in prison in the Muggle world on multiple counts of child endangerment!

"Continuing the 'child endangerment' theme, we had a Defense Professor here last year who was possessed by the disembodied spirit of a supposedly dead Dark Wizard who tried to kill students on at least three occasions!

"For starters, he releases a Troll in the school as a distraction... and what do you do? You send the students through the halls... WITHOUT EVEN CHECKING IF THERE _**IS **_A TROLL LET ALONE WHERE IT IS... endangering the students who could have had the misfortune to run into the beast in the halls! The Hufflepuffs and Slytherins were in particular peril, as Professor Quirrell reported the Troll was in the dungeons...JUST LIKE THEIR DORMS! The smart move would have been to seal us all in the Great Hall whilst the ghosts tracked it down and the teachers dealt with the beast!"

Almost the entire faculty was starting to enjoy this. Even Dumbledore's supporters mostly realized the old man had a few screws loose and had been making increasingly odd decisions for a while now. Only Hagrid, who looked confused, Trelawney, who had fallen asleep in her bangers 'n' mash, and Binns, who stared blankly off into space, were not at least mildly smirking at this point (Snape, of course, had the most superior-looking smirk... after all, he did have the most practice).

"Next we have the Gryffindor-Slytherin Quidditch match last November... where the game was interrupted by someone jinxing Harry Potter's broom _in full view of the entire school!_ After the game, was there any investigation into the event? No! Harry's broom wasn't even confiscated and checked for tampering after it nearly killed him! Everybody was so enthused about the 'miracle catch' that the reason it was a miracle was completely ignored!"

Harry was now staring at his female best friend in complete awe. Why _hadn't _they checked his broom? He, Ron and Hermione knew (or thought they did at the time) that it was Snape jinxing him, but where was the official school investigation of the accident?

Movement at the edge of his vision drew Harry's attention to the back of the Great Hall in time to see half a dozen adults fade into view, as they dropped their Disillusionment Charms.

Hermione continued, "Then there was the object Fluffy was guarding! Once you got past Fluffy- an easy task if you got Hagrid in a chatty mood to tell you Fluffy would go right to sleep with a little music- there was a series of 'traps' that would have made a decent Final Exam Obstacle Course for the First Years, but had no hope of stopping a determined Dark Wizard trying to reach the Philosopher's Stone at the end! Devil's Snare- First Year Herbology! The flying keys- Charms and Flying! The giant chess set- Transfiguration and basic games theory! The Troll- Defense Class! The Potion Room- Potions Class and a logic puzzle! The only traps that would have slowed anyone above Second Year down were Fluffy and the Mirror of Erised- and the Mirror only because you got creative, and even then Harry solved it in less than a minute- and he was eleven and not the most studious or logical person! No offense, Harry," she added to her friend as an aside.

"None taken," he smirked, "I happen to agree."

"Miss Granger..." started the Headmaster, only to be interrupted by a voice from the back.

"Yes, Albus, what _is _going on in this school?"

Albus turned to the voice and paled. Half a dozen people stood at the back of the room, apparently having caught at least some of Miss Granger's tirade. Amelia Bones, the speaker, was Head of the Department for Magical Law Enforcement. Augusta Longbottom, a Wizengamot member and Dumbledore's most likely replacement as Chief Warlock should he be ousted. Cassius Thompkins, the current Director of the Hogwarts Board of Governors. Edward 'Ted' Tonks, the most vicious and successful prosecutor in Magical Europe. Rita Skeeter, the biggest muckraker and smear-campaign artist ever to claim to be a legitimate journalist. And finally, Rebecca delToro, the current Head of the Department of Magical Child Welfare.

Amelia advanced on the Head Table. When Samuel Glyphs had contacted her, telling her that Albus Dumbledore was going to face accusations ranging from criminal neglect to reckless endangerment, she had mostly turned up out of morbid curiosity, to see what the Professor had cooked up. Never had she expected this! These were events that, by law, should have been reported to her office for proper, unbiased investigation. She hadn't even heard a whisper of any of this! Jinxed brooms? Booby-trapped hallways? _A Cerberus in a school?_

"Albus, what the devil is going on? A Cerberus _and _a Troll in the school? You _know _the law here, Albus- for Merlin's sake, you drafted it yourself twenty years ago! This will-" Amelia was cut off by a sharp _pinging _noise from her wristwatch- an alarm she always wore to notify her when she was near a Dark-oriented artifact. _But I'm nowhere near the Slytherin table! I'm between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff!_

Turning slowly with her wrist raised like a divining rod, she slowly zeroed in on a timid-looking, red-haired Gryffindor first year. "Young lady, what is your name?" She asked gently.

The Gryff blushed and replied, "Ginevra Molly Weasley, Ma'am."

"Well, Miss Weasley, might I trouble you to empty your purse onto the table?"

Ginny lifted the patched bag and dumped its meager contents on the table. She had no idea what was going on, but the lady was wearing a DMLE badge, and her daddy had taught her to always obey someone wearing a DMLE badge. The lady sifted through the items on the table, finally settling on a simple day diary marked 'T.M. Riddle'. Amelia's watch was now having a conniption fit over the diary until Amelia silenced it.

"Miss Weasley, where did you obtain this?"

"It was stuffed inside one of my schoolbooks, Ma'am. When we got home from shopping, I found it in my Transfiguration book. My old diary was falling apart, so I thought I'd keep this one to start a new one. Whoever had it before doesn't seem to have written in it, Ma'am."

"No, Miss Weasley, but it seems someone _did _go to the trouble of placing some Dark curses on it. I'm going to have to confiscate this."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Amelia turned towards Albus and cranked up her scowl to its highest level. "This book is practically _oozing_ with Dark magic, yet the school wards told you nothing? We need a long talk about what's going on here, Albus- NOW!"

Albus tugged at the collar of his robes. The wards _had _warned him that Miss Weasley was carrying something Dark, but Albus was planning on seeing how things played out. "Very well, Amelia. Let us adjourn to my office."

Samuel, blast his obnoxiously good timing, chose to speak up then, in that American accent that so grated on Albus's nerves (because it often meant trouble and headaches for Albus's plans). "Actually, Albus, I believe school regulations prohibit a faculty member from holding a meeting in his or her own office when they are being accused of misconduct. Something about avoiding even the _appearance _of manipulation, Imperius, or Obliviation. I believe the Third-Floor Faculty Lounge is available, Madame Bones."

Albus scowled at the smirking Professor, but rose with dignity, asking his four Heads of House to join him as he, Amelia, and the rest of Amelia's little crew headed for the door, with Miss delToro stopping at the Gryffindor table long enough to collect Hermione's documentation. Once they were gone, Professor Kettleburn, Care of Magical Creatures, rose from his seat at the Head Table.

"Well, since I'm the seniormost faculty member here, I guess I should dismiss you. Prefects, take your charges to their dormitories and help them get settled in."

There were loud scraping noises as nearly 400 children and teens rose to head off to bed. On the way out of the Great Hall, Harry whispered to Hermione, "That was _brilliant! _Where did you find all that?"

Hermione smirked and replied, "Professor Glyphs, the Runes Professor, pointed me in the right direction, and even let me borrow his copies of the School Charter and the Teacher's Manual. You should see what else I had! That lady, Miss delToro, is from Ministry Child Welfare, and she was _most _incensed with what I knew about your life with the Dursleys. I won't guarantee anything, but I'm not sure if you'll _ever _see those horrid people again."

Harry's mind drifted off momentarily as a beatific smile spread across his face. On Harry's other side, Ron muttered, "know-it-all", and scowled at her. Harry, in turn, scowled at Ron, as if seeing what a jerk he truly was for the first time.

-scene break-

Over the next three weeks, things went from bad to worse for Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Director Croaker from the Department of Mysteries identified the Diary taken from Miss Weasley as a Horcrux, specifically of one Tom Marvolo Riddle a.k.a. Voldemort. Trying to come off all wise, Albus revealed that he had suspected the existence of Horcruxes. Unfortunately for him, this set Amelia and Augusta off on a joint tirade about senile old fools who kept far too much to themselves, and what had he done about it anyway?

The incidents involving the Horcrux, Fluffy, the Philosopher's Stone, and the jinxed broom saw Albus Dumbledore sacked from Hogwarts when the Board of Governors and Child Welfare Services declared him unfit to be anywhere near children, let alone responsible for their care.

While investigating Harry Potter's case, Miss delToro discovered that his parents' joint will had been sealed by the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, one Albus Dumbledore. An emergency session of said Wizengamot saw Albus Dumbledore ousted and replaced with Augusta Longbottom, who immediately ordered the Will unsealed. The revelation that Harry's parents had explicitly stated he was never to even _meet _Vernon and Petunia Dursley saw Albus Dumbledore sitting in a Ministry holding cell.

That the will also declared the Potters' true Secret Keeper was Peter Pettigrew, and left him an inheritance of thirty silver Sickles (a symbolic 'outing' of a traitor), saw Amelia Bones looking closer at the Sirius Black case, and finding the man had been tossed in Azkaban without even being formally charged, let alone tried and convicted. She called for Black's removal from Azkaban and the arrest of Bartemius Crouch Sr., whose name was on the transfer papers that sent Black to prison.

When Black was questioned under Veritaserum, the whole cover-up came tumbling down. That Crouch and Dumbledore had sent an innocent man to Azkaban for almost eleven years without even a trial was sensational enough that Rita Skeeter didn't need to embellish it in the slightest. Black was cleared of all charges, paid a million Galleons in reparations, and set free. He would meet his godson, Harry Potter, during the first weekend in October.

When Aurors went to bring Barty Crouch in for questioning, he resisted arrest, leading to 'probable cause' allowing his house to be searched. Inside, Senior Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt found Barty Crouch's 'dead' son, Barty Jr., Imperiused by his own father and kept under an Invisibility Cloak. When the whole sordid jailbreak was revealed in its entirety, father and son were both bound to Azkaban, where they would spend the rest of their lives. When they died, their bodies were tested for Polyjuice to prove, beyond doubt, that the Crouches were buried under the correct names (a procedure that would become standard in a Wizarding postmortem over the next few years).

Minister Cornelius Fudge, on the advice of Amelia Bones and Augusta Longbottom, ordered a complete sweep of the castle that served as Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, as well as a full audit of the teachers and their qualifications to teach. The sweep turned up several dark objects, including the Lost Diadem of Ravenclaw, which showed signs of having been turned into another of Voldemort's Horcruxes. Having tested and perfected their technique on the more expendible Diary, the Unspeakables from the Department of Mysteries were able to destroy the Horcrux without harming its vessel.

This technique would be useful again a week later when Sirius Black turned up in Amelia's office with the Locket of Slytherin and conveyed the story, told to him by his late brother's house-elf Kreacher, of the lengths Voldemort went to to secure it. The Locket was tested, found to be a Horcrux, and 'cleansed' of the taint.

The sweep of the school also located, after 1000 years, the entrance to the fabled 'Chamber of Secrets'. After hiring a well-respected (and Light-oriented) Parselmouth from India, Bakul Patil (Parvati & Padma's cousin), they opened the Chamber cautiously and entered, where Bakul had a brief conversation with the thousand-year-old Basilisk within. The Basilisk revealed that its true purpose, as set forth by Salazar Slytherin, was to act as a protector for Hogwarts when the non-magical armies would attack (as they had a tendency to do back then).

The Basilisk, named Asmodeus, then pointed Bakul and the Ministry team to Salazar's hidden library, which, among other things, included personal journals of all four Founders, and would keep the academics happy for years, especially the revelation (through both Asmodeus and Salazar's own Journal) that Salazar was not a Dark Wizard as he was often depicted, but a Dark Wizard _Hunter _who studied the Dark Arts to refine his techniques for defeating said arts. Salazar Slytherin was, in a sense, Britain's first true Auror.

After reviewing Ginny Weasley's memory of that day in the bookstore, Amelia was able to point the finger at Lucius Malfoy as having slipped the Horcrux Diary to Ginny. Lucius was arrested that day, and his Manor searched. Lucius's house-elf Dobby, on orders from Mistress Narcissa, 'accidently' left a few panels open, revealing Lucius's stash of Dark objects. Lucius Malfoy was quickly tried and convicted, and sentenced to 30 years in Azkaban. The ink wasn't even dry on Lucius's conviction before Narcissa filed for divorce. She waived all claim to the marital assets and custody of her son Draco, and was once more Narcissa Black by Christmas.

Draco was taken in by the family of his betrothed, Pansy Parkinson, who immediately set to 'breaking' him of his habit of mouthing off and calling unwanted attention to himself (Harwood Parkinson being a true Slytherin, as in cunning and patient, two traits Draco desperately needed).

The audit of the teachers did not go well for several members of the faculty. Charity Burbage, the Muggle Studies Professor, had never, to her knowledge, even _met_ a Muggle, and therefore understood very little about them. She was sacked forthwith and replaced with Headmistress McGonagall's recommendation, a Squib named Arabella Figg who had been living among the Muggles for decades.

Sybill Trelawney was dismissed from the school and Divination discontinued, on the basis of a person being born a Seer or not, training meant nothing in that field. Needing a fifth elective in accordance with the School Charter, Minerva contacted a former student, Capelle Zabini, a world-famous Magical artist, to put together an Magical Arts and Culture course to fill the void.

Lawrence Kettleburn, while a good teacher, was determined to retire at the end of the school year. Special dispensation was granted by the Board of Governors, and Professor Kettleburn began training his eventual replacement, one Rubeus Hagrid, in how to _properly and safely_ teach Care of Magical Creatures.

An audit of his knowledge of his subject revealed Gilderoy Lockhart to be a complete fraud. Interrogation under Veritaserum disclosed the fact that Lockhart had been stealing credit for other peoples' achievements, after getting the whole story from them and then Obliviating them. He was tried on multiple counts of aggravated assault and would spend the rest of his days in Azkaban. The Auror Department assigned Senior Auror Gawain Robards to take over the DADA post (a position he would hold for the next 12 years, breaking the 'curse' on the position).

Cuthbert Binns (who, it turned out, had _not _realized he was dead), was dismissed because of his drop-dead boring teaching style. (A/N: Sorry, couldn't resist) In his place, Minerva McGonagall hired Remus Lupin, former Gryffindor Prefect and close friend of both Sirius Black and James Potter. Many a Saturday afternoon that year would find Professor Lupin regaling Harry and Hermione (and later Fred, George and Ginny Weasley) with stories of their group of friends, affectionately known as the 'Marauders', during their time at school.

Severus Snape, freed of his obligation to Albus Dumbledore by the old man's imprisonment, quit his teaching post before he could be fired, stating he 'never wanted to teach those mewling brats in the first place'. He was quickly hired by St. Mungo's Hospital in their Research Lab, where, over the next ten years, he would discover a true cure for Lycanthropy and manage to bring Frank and Alice Longbottom out of their comas just in time for Neville's 15th birthday. At Hogwarts, Minerva hired Potions Mistress Andromeda Tonks to teach Potions, and promoted the Astronomy Professor, Aurora Sinistra, to be the new Head of Slytherin.

With becoming Headmistress (and appointing Filius Flitwick her new Deputy Head), Minerva had to cut back on her teaching schedule, only having time to teach the two N.E.W.T. level courses. To teach the younger years, and Head Gryffindor, Minerva hired Molly Weasley, who was at loose ends with all of her children grown or in school. Molly turned out to be an excellent teacher, and was much loved by her Gryffindors (even the Twins, who were no longer getting away with even a quarter of their former shenanigans).

After a minor head injury during Quidditch practice, Harry was checked out by Poppy Pomfrey and found to have a minor possession in his curse-scar. A simple exorcism later, the lost soul fragment was destroyed and Harry felt much lighter. Over the next two months, Harry's magical power levels nearly doubled, as if the soul fragment had been suppressing his natural growth.

On orders from Director Bones, Senior Auror Alastor Moody (three months from retirement), looked into the background of one Tom Marvolo Riddle a.k.a. Voldemort. Discovering his roots in a small town called Little Hangleton, old 'Mad-Eye' played a hunch. Hiring a Curse-Breaker from Gringott's for the day (one William Weasley), the duo successfully entered the old Gaunt shack and acquired the Gaunt family ring, another Horcrux of Voldemort. The ring was turned over to Head Unspeakable Croaker and the Horcrux destroyed.

At the request of the Ministry, Gringott's conducted a full audit of the vaults of all known or suspected Death Eaters. In addition to many Dark objects (which led to heavy fines), the audit of the LeStrange family vault turned up an artifact of 'clouded' provenance (namely, it was last reported stolen from its legitimate owner), the Chalice of Helga Hufflepuff. Further examination determined that this Cup was another Horcrux and turned over to the Unspeakables for disposal.

In a forest in Albania, the tattered soul formerly known as the Dark Lord shrieked in agony as his last Horcrux was destroyed, and what was left of his essense dragged down into the Fiery Pits.

After a few days of learning better study habits from Hermione, Harry grew sick of Ron's verbal sniping, and told him "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". Without realizing it, Harry had magically reinforced that statement into a command. When nearly two weeks went by and everyone realized Ron hadn't spoken in that whole time, he was examined by Madam Pomfrey, who determined the cause of the 'curse'. Harry, embarassed to have done that accidentally, sheepishly lifted the geas from Ron.

Ron, however, was a changed person after that episode. His enforced silence for two weeks made him realize just how hurtful most of what he said was. He started thinking about what he said, and slowly evolved into a caring, sensitive guy that the girls all wanted to know. He eventually started dating his sister's best friend, Luna Lovegood, who he would eventually marry and join in her career as a magical naturalist.

Harry would eventually get up the courage to ask out Hermione, who became his girlfriend by the end of Second Year, and eventually his wife. Hermione eventually became a Director at the Ministry, heading up the Magical Beasts and Beings Department, where she always sought the fair and equal (within reason) treatment of other sentient magical beings. Harry, after years of Arithmancy and Ancient Runes, discovered a knack for Spellcrafting and Enchanting, and made a living selling his inventions at a storefront in Diagon Alley.

All in all, a happy ending that began with Albus Dumbledore tripping up at the Welcoming Feast.

END


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